One of Those Days

Today has been one of those days. 

After two consecutive weeks of very poor playing in the Higher Things Fantasy Football League, I benched my QB, Carson Palmer.  Of course, today, he scores like he used to.  And no one expected Ronnie Brown to come out like he did today.  Least of all me.  He was on my bench.  Scored an amazing FORTY-FOUR points for my bench.  Argh.

And then they say in youth ministry that numbers don’t matter and sometimes things just don’t work. It’s true, and it happens.  I had this brilliant idea that on the 3rd Sunday of each month, we’d go to a 3-o’clock showing of a movie in the theaters that has something interesting to say about faith and life, etc. and then we’d come back to my house (I know, me…entertain!) where we’d have supper (I KNOW! Me…cook!) and talk about it over dinner. 

The Metrolux has slim pickings as far as PG-13 movies go right now, so I announced that we’d go to the 3:45 showing of The Women.  I cleaned (which needed doing anyway) and made – from scratch, without use of any recipes – my family’s secret recipes of Sloppy Joes and potato salad.  Big batches even, for all the starving hordes of teenagers who would show up.  I knew the movie choice was a risk, but we’re at the mercy of the theater management on that.  Next month should have better options.

No one showed.  Not one person.  One high school in town had homecoming this weekend, so some kids are tired.  Others have to work.  The guys weren’t interested in a chick-flick – I knew I was pushing my luck there.  Such is life.

I’m not letting it get me down. This is the way things go.  I’ve learned a few lessons.

  1. Pick a better movie, preferably something controversial or popular.  (Pray that better movies are out and have the proper ratings!)
  2. Promoting the event isn’t enough, promote the movie selection as well.
  3. Get a babysitter for Isaac.
  4. Don’t cook quite so much food, and prepare something more easily freezable.

So the sloppy joes are cooling in the crockpot.  I’ll just bag up the meat and freeze it until next month.  I think my two ladies’ Bible studies this week will be enjoying potato salad, and the youth group will have the opportunity to eat it with our pizza on Wednesday night.  (Much to their surprise and delight, I’m sure!) 

It could be worse.  My house is clean (at least the common areas), I have plenty of homemade food to last for days, and now I get to take a nap. 🙂

Surprising Advocate for Headcovering

Veiled sexuality meshes with Muslim values 
Thursday, Sept. 4, 2008

NEW YORK — A woman swathed in black to her ankles, wearing a head scarf or a full chador, walks down a European or North American street, surrounded by other women in halter tops, miniskirts and short shorts. She passes under immense billboards on which other women swoon in sexual ecstasy, cavort in lingerie or simply stretch out languorously, almost fully naked. Could this image be any more iconic of the discomfort the West has with the social mores of Islam, and vice versa?

Ideological battles are often waged with women’s bodies as their emblems, and Western Islamophobia is no exception. When France banned head scarves in schools, it used the hijab as a proxy for Western values in general, including the appropriate status of women. When Americans were being prepared for the invasion of Afghanistan, the Taliban were demonized for denying cosmetics and hair color to women; when the Taliban were overthrown, Western writers often noted that women had taken off their scarves.

But are we in the West radically misinterpreting Muslim sexual mores, particularly the meaning to many Muslim women of being veiled or wearing the chador? And are we blind to our own markers of the oppression and control of women?

The West interprets veiling as repression of women and suppression of their sexuality. But when I traveled in Muslim countries and was invited to join a discussion in women-only settings within Muslim homes, I learned that Muslim attitudes toward women’s appearance and sexuality are not rooted in repression, but in a strong sense of public versus private, of what is due to God and what is due to one’s husband. It is not that Islam suppresses sexuality, but that it embodies a strongly developed sense of its appropriate channeling — toward marriage, the bonds that sustain family life and the attachment that secures a home.

Outside the walls of the typical Muslim households that I visited in Morocco, Jordan and Egypt, all was demureness and propriety. But inside, women were as interested in allure, seduction and pleasure as women anywhere in the world.

At home, in the context of marital intimacy, Victoria’s Secret, elegant fashion, and skin care lotions abounded. The bridal videos that I was shown, with the sensuous dancing that the bride learns as part of what makes her a wonderful wife, and which she proudly displays for her bridegroom, suggested that sensuality was not alien to Muslim women. Rather, pleasure and sexuality, both male and female, should not be displayed promiscuously — and possibly destructively — for all to see.

Indeed, many Muslim women I spoke with did not feel at all subjugated by the chador or the head scarf. On the contrary, they felt liberated from what they experienced as the intrusive, commodifying, basely sexualizing Western gaze. Many women said something like this: "When I wear Western clothes, men stare at me, objectify me, or I am always measuring myself against the standards of models in magazines, which are hard to live up to — and even harder as you get older, not to mention how tiring it can be to be on display all the time. When I wear my head scarf or chador, people relate to me as an individual, not an object; I feel respected."

This may not be expressed in a traditional Western feminist set of images, but it is a recognizably Western feminist set of feelings. I experienced it myself. I put on a shalwar kameez and a head scarf in Morocco for a trip to the bazaar. Yes, some of the warmth I encountered was probably from the novelty of seeing a Westerner so clothed; but, as I moved about the market — the curve of my breasts covered, the shape of my legs obscured, my long hair not flying about me — I felt a novel sense of calm and serenity. I felt, yes, in certain ways, free.

Nor are Muslim women alone. The Western Christian tradition portrays all sexuality, even married sexuality, as sinful. Islam and Judaism never had that same kind of mind-body split. So, in both cultures, sexuality channeled into marriage and family life is seen as a source of great blessing, sanctioned by God.

This may explain why both Muslim and orthodox Jewish women not only describe a sense of being liberated by their modest clothing and covered hair, but also express much higher levels of sensual joy in their married lives than is common in the West. When sexuality is kept private and directed in ways seen as sacred — and when one’s husband isn’t seeing his wife (or other women) half-naked all day long — one can feel great power and intensity when the head scarf or the chador comes off in the sanctity of the home.

Among healthy young men in the West, who grow up on pornography and sexual imagery on every street corner, reduced libido is a growing epidemic, so it is easy to imagine the power that sexuality can still carry in a more modest culture. And it is worth understanding the positive experiences that women — and men — can have in cultures where sexuality is more conservatively directed.

I do not mean to dismiss the many women leaders in the Muslim world who regard veiling as a means of controlling women. Choice is everything. But Westerners should recognize that when a woman in France or Britain chooses a veil, it is not necessarily a sign of her repression. And, more importantly, when you choose your own miniskirt and halter top — in a Western culture in which women are not so free to age, to be respected as mothers, workers or spiritual beings, and to disregard Madison Avenue — it’s worth thinking in a more nuanced way about what female freedom really means.

Naomi Wolf, the author, most recently, of "The End of America: Letter of Warning to a Young Patriot" and the forthcoming "Give me Liberty: How to Become an American Revolutionary," is cofounder of the American Freedom Campaign, a U.S. democracy movement. © 2008 Project Syndicate (

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